An Americanist Briefing
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An Americanist Briefing
When Spouses Cross Lines: Dear Abby Edition
What happens when trust is broken in a relationship? Today we explore the complex boundaries we set and the red flags we sometimes ignore when dealing with those closest to us.
The show kicks off with a look at concerning news stories - from a Canadian police official suggesting traditional values might indicate extremism to the DOJ investigating doctors performing transgender procedures on minors. But the heart of our conversation revolves around three jaw-dropping relationship scenarios straight from Dear Abby's mailbag.
First, we meet a woman whose husband of 32 years has been secretly inviting a young female bartender to their home - planning their meetups specifically when his wife would be out of town. The secrecy and text messages between them leave little doubt about inappropriate boundaries being crossed, despite Dear Abby's lukewarm advice about "marriage counseling."
Next comes a husband who gave his bankrupt ex-wife a "huge amount of money" without consulting his current wife - then when confronted, offered three choices: be happy about it, accept an equal amount of money for herself, or get a divorce. This ultimatum-style approach to marriage raises serious questions about partnership and financial boundaries.
Perhaps most troubling is the oil rig worker who abandoned his wife immediately after her spinal surgery to hang out with friends, despite doctor's orders to monitor her for complications. His dismissive "I can't spend time with my friends?" response when she called in pain speaks volumes about his priorities.
These stories prompted our question of the day: What red flags do you notice when meeting someone new that make you reconsider engaging with them? For me, it's inability to maintain eye contact during conversation - what's yours?
Share your thoughts on relationship red flags and join me and The Gent this Sunday for Brood Awakening and Sunday Scuttlebutt at 2pm Central!
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Hello, hello, welcome. Good morning Friday. Oh, we made it through the week. How about that? All right, so just I'm gonna tell you a couple of stories, excuse me, and then we're gonna read some Dear Abbeys.
Speaker 1:But the first one is Canadian police official warns traditional values may be a sign a person is becoming extremist. I put that out on my X-File If you would like to go read that. It's from the New York Post. Of course, these people are going to call us extremists if we believe in God and traditional families. And there are only two sexes, not genders. Sexes, gender is gender. The term gender is a made-up word for the 1950s to start introducing all of this crap. So there are only two sexes male and female. Okay, all right, go read that. This is a Canada, of course, but still it's close to America. All right, doj subpoenas more than 20 doctors and clinics providing transgender medical procedures to minors, mutilated children. Yes, finally, good, make it. So, make it happen.
Speaker 1:All right, so let's go on and read the Dear Abbeys. Here we go. There are some doozies here. Oh, this one here. I can't even believe that this is even happening. Oh, of course, there's an ad pop-up. I'm sorry, hold on. All right, here we go, dear Abby. My husband, oh, there's another freaking ad pop-up.
Speaker 1:Okay, my husband invited a young bartender to our house behind my back. What? I don't even need to read this, but I'm going to. If your husband is inviting a young bartender back to your home, you don't need to be married to him. No, all right, dear abby. I am 57 and have been married for 32 years to my husband, who retired from his full-time job last year. I still work full-time. Since his retirement, he has been going to a bar once a week or so or so, which probably means every night spending a few hours visiting with the customers and staff. One of the staff has taken an interest in being his buddy. My husband is outgoing and somewhat flirtatious. Hmm, the staff member is a younger female bartender whom he invites to our home bar for drinks.
Speaker 1:No, this, no, this isn't. This would not be happening at my house. Uh, they have also established a social media relationship and send text messages. No, sir, no, this is no, this is not happening. When I had an out-of-town trip planned, they concocted a plan for her to come over for cocktails with another of our friends. They planned to keep it a secret. Okay, look, if you got to keep it a secret, something's wrong because I might become upset.
Speaker 1:I found out and did become upset and have remained so. I have discovered other messages and I no longer trust my husband. I don't think they are in a physical relationship. Oh, hun, they are. But despite his reassurances, I can't let go of what might have been shared about me and feel a deep sense of betrayal. Yes, you should.
Speaker 1:How can I move up forward? I'm gonna tell you this is from suspicious in washington. I'm gonna tell you how you can move on. Kick his ass out. He can go live with his little bartender girlfriend. How about that? All right, so let's see what's. Let's see if dear. Let's see what Dear Abby says. Read more. I'm wanting to read more. Did she even respond to it? Okay, oh my gosh, these freaking pop-up ads, dear Suspicious.
Speaker 1:What the bartender and your husband are doing is inappropriate, no crap. It might be worthwhile to ask her employer whether there are any rules about their staff socializing with patrons outside the establishment. No, I don't need to do that. There's rules in my life that my husband is not bringing home a female bartender to the house. Ask the establishment if there are any rules. That's stupid advice as to your lack of trust in your flirtatious husband. Under these circumstances, it is understandable. Marriage counseling may help no, no, may help to repair your relationship. No, these people have been married 32 years. I know what he's after and it's a younger bartender. So, yeah, nope, not happening.
Speaker 1:All right, let's see. Uh oh, this was another sterling husband. My husband bailed out his ex bankrupt I'm sorry, my husband bailed out his bankrupt ex-wife and didn't tell me well, how did you find out? This is more than just that, though. Get this, this is a doozy. My husband is still in contact with his ex-wife. Okay, whatever, I'd understand that if they have children, but if they don't have children, I don't know why you need to be in contact with her. But we're going to find out why he gave her a huge divorce settlement because he felt guilty. Here's why he felt guilty she supported him financially through medical school and he feels the needs to help her out every time she needs money. I can understand that. All right, if she supported your ass through medical school, then yeah, I can see why you would want to give her money. But if you gave her a huge divorce settlement, I think that would be calling it. Even I don't know what the divorce settlement was, but this woman seems to think it was a large sum. So, moving on, the last time she didn't. She didn't ask for it, but he had heard from his sister that she had declared bankruptcy. So he gave her a huge amount of money, but she didn't ask for it. So, okay, all right. When he told me he wanted to do it, I said no. When he told me he wanted to do it, I said no. If it were for a medical reason, I would have agreed, but it's not.
Speaker 1:A few days went by. When I asked if he was still bouncing around the idea, he said he had gone to her house and given her a check. He knows this bothered me a lot. He gave me options. I could be happy that we could help her. He would give me the same amount of money or I could get a divorce.
Speaker 1:Oh my, how do you like those apples? Oh my, okay, I'll apply for a divorce If that's your option to me. If you want to throw divorce at my name, all right, we'll go down that path. Yeah, I'm like that. I'm petty. I love my husband, but he is too good to people. He gives me anything I ask for which I don't, but this time I just don't know. He did tell me he loved me but had to help her. What do I do?
Speaker 1:Present wife in Texas. Dear wife, if you love your husband, take a bite of that apple and be thankful he can afford to be so generous. However, if you feel this generosity has somehow shortchanged you, and because Texas is a community property state, perhaps you should discuss this with an attorney. Ooh, all right, what do y'all think about that? All right, last, dear Abby. And then we're going to question of the day. Dear Abby, my husband works out. This one is my husband works out of state for an oil rigging company 20 days out of the month. He gets 10 days off. When he comes home, we may have two days of quality time together. The rest of the time he spends on his phone outside. Okay.
Speaker 1:When I recently had spinal surgery, he came home supposedly to assist me. My doctor gave him instructions to follow after the surgery. The first was that he observed me for 24 hours to avert any complications. Well, after a few hours, he left me alone so he could spend time with his friends. I was sleeping when he left and then, when I woke up, I was pain. When I called him and asked where he was, he, as usual as usual, hint hint got upset and said I can't spend time with my friends. I replied no problem and hung up the phone.
Speaker 1:This is a little bit too detailed. He returned two hours later and we discussed it, but he left the house again. I don't know how to communicate with him without causing issues. What should I do? Am I wrong? All right, first of all, if you're why, this job that he has I think should be for single men only. If he's gone that long of a time, I don't think I'd want to be married to him, just my, especially when he comes home and then doesn't want to spend any time with you. Maybe. Maybe it's time to part ways.
Speaker 1:Let's see what, dear wife, let's see what dear Abby has to say. You are not wrong. What you need to know. Okay, I'm not even going to read this, it's dumb. If you want to go read it, it's on my X file.
Speaker 1:All right, we need to move on to the question of the day. All right, since we're speaking about relationships from dear Abby, my question to you is and since you're already married my listeners are already married, already in an established relationship. This could be somebody that you meet new, as in passing, if you're at the grocery, whatever, if you're going to be friends with them, whatever coworkers, stuff like that it doesn't have to be your spouse because you're already married. So my question is when you meet somebody, what is a red flag about that person that stands out to you that you might be like hmm, I may not want to venture down this avenue anymore with this person. What would be a red flag for you from the other person? Mine would be if they, if we're having a conversation and they can't look me in the eye, that's maybe a red flag for me. Um, I don't know what other, I don't know what other kind of red flag there would be, um, so, yeah, that's my red flag, I guess. What would yours be? Okay, I got to go. Thanks for listening.
Speaker 1:The Gent and I will hopefully be back Sunday for Brood Awakening, so be. Oh, and then also don't forget Sunday Scuttlebutt Sunday, 2 o'clock Central. Alright, gotta go. Love y'all Bye.
